frustration

I dont know why but today was not a good day, not a good day at all. I feel bad that the accident occured even though it wasnt my fault. I lost my keys and I feel bad that I've caused trouble for people but what can I do? It's already been done, I can't do anything but to move on.

It sucks knowing that the one person that you think you could count on isn't. I love my boyfriend but sometimes I wish he was more supportive. I made it pretty clear to him by repeating to him that I am really frustrated and stressed out today because of what happened. I didn't need him to keep coming down on me by saying that it couldve been avoided if i drove less people or if i looked in the mirrors etc. I mean maybe it couldve but he wasnt there - he doesnt know, and what use is it to lecture me when it's already been done. I feel like my car couldve been parked and hit and he would still find a way to imply that i couldve done something else to prevent it.

His words hurt and it emotionally drains me because then I have to ask why he has to say it to me now or today- it hurts so bad. I havent cried in a while and it just came out. I'd rather get it off my chest then let it build up over and over and have it explode all at once.

He never admits he's wrong and we end up nowhere when I'm trying to talk it out so it's done and over with. Maybe what happened the past in our relationship still haunts me. It was when he angered N and he apologized and went out of his way to make it up to her. I think that hurt me a lot b/c after 2 years I still can't forget it . I thought " wow she's not even his gf and he does so much for her when she got mad at him - when I get mad at him he doesn't even do that sort of thing for me".

I don't know what to do, but if stuff continues the way it is now I don't know how much longer I can put up with it.


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